One year ago, I wrote a straggling trail of words – a poem, perhaps – attempting to make sense of what was happening at the U.S. capitol. I was deeply frightened: by the swarming, feverish hordes seen on video, by the lack of precedent for such an event, by the possible outcomes. As I wrote stumblingly – on the floor of the living room, a live broadcast of what was happening playing in the background – other fears were lurking in my mind and bleeding out onto the page. The accelerating destruction – both vast and minute – of the natural world, which we are not doing enough to curb. The increasingly volatile and angry divide between political parties and people. The COVID-19 pandemic, with a horrifyingly high worldwide death toll …

Today, it’s a new year, but none of those things – those crises – have gone away. What am I, what are we supposed to do with that? I don’t know, and sometimes I want to wash my hands of it all, but, no. No, I simply cannot help but see that we are in this mess – these many messes – because we are all, together, human, for better and for worse. So, I give the following words as a rage, a rant, but also an honest-to-goodness prayer that we can knock it off and be there for each other. We can, I know we can. Now is as good a time as any to start trying.
 
~ Bee, January 6, 2022

2 years, 24 months, 38 pages, and 198 pictures of Zac herself! Wow, what a journey it's been! And my journey with Zac  started even longer ago...

I'm not sure exactly when I dreamed up the idea of Zac and her strange clockwork world, but I can tell you I did just that, I dreamed up her world! In 2018 (I think) I dreamed was a boy living in Newsies era New York City with a photographic memory so powerful most of the city's inhabitants came to me to solve little mysteries in their daily lives. The original versions of Zarah and Malcolm can also be traced back to my dream, but at the time they weren't siblings.

So what came next? That boy in my dream stuck with me and I knew I needed to use him somewhere. I drew a picture of that boy at that time, the picture that now makes history as my first image of Zac. So, where did the name Zac Lowhard come from? I'm not entirely sure, but I know I made it up separately, and then gave it to the boy from my dream. The first name Zac I'll admit probably was originally a reference to Leigh Berdugo's Kaz Brekker. At first I spelled Zac Zak (which, as you can see if turned around spells Kaz). It was partially unintentional that the spelling switched to Zac, I unintentionally started spelling it with a C, but I'm glad Zac is now distanced from her namesake, she's changed a lot since then. The last name Lowhard I completely created, wanting a name that suggested the struggle of life in the poorer class (this was back when Zac was basically a Newsie). Ironically, the last name doesn't fit her so well anymore, but I still love the way it sounds!

So, when did Zac develop into the character you know? That took some work-shopping! The next stage in Zac's history was when I turned Zac's story into a LARPing game with my siblings and friends. I didn't actually create most of the characters in Zac Lowhard, my playmates did. This stage of Zac Lowhard really helped my vision for the webcomic. A lot of the stories you know can trace their history back to Zac Lowhard, the LARPing game. Also, this is when Zac's gender changed from male to female.

When did I decide Zac should be a webcomic? In December of 2019 I was hiking with my family when the idea of starting a webcomic was proposed. I began to think seriously about the idea and the story of Zac Lowhard immediately came to mind as the perfect fit for my webcomic. I'd like to shout out some gratitude to my family for their wonderful idea and the common sense and encouragement they gave me throughout the process.

And, what did my monthly process look like? Well, early each month (and eventually a month or two ahead) I would thumbnail the page for the month (and eventually two pages a month when I upped the page count). I would write in the script along with the panels, instead of writing the script first like most comic artists (see image). Then, I'd edit the script by typing it up on a google doc. Next up was the drawing stage. I penciled some of the panels with a blue cartoon pencil (you can still see traces of the blue in some of the panels) but a lot of my images were done freehand. I chose to hardly every restart or whiteout my illustrations and while this means there is less constancy in the final produce, this choose was valuable for my self confidence and personal growth as an artist. I don't intend to freehand all future project but looking back on Zac, I wouldn't change my process for anything. The way the images grows and change over the course of the series is one of my favorite eliminates of Zac. Finally, I would scan in the images and edit them in Adobe Photoshop. That's when I would drop in the grey-tone, black background, and (of course) the text itself. I did minimal editing to the original illustrations in this stage. Finally, I'd post it here on Silverfists every 28th of the month! I settled on the 28th as my post date randomly, but in retrospect it's the most logical date I could have chosen.

As a final note, I want to acknowledge that I wrote, illustrated, and edited Zac by myself (with some help from my amazing sister), and Zac Lowhard has never been read by sensitivity readers. I fully realize that I, as a young Caucasian woman, may not have effectively captured the prospective of the many different experiences and identities depicted in Zac. If you have thoughts on the representation of identity in Zac that you are willing to share with me and other readers I would be so happy to hear them, whatever they may be.

Working on this story has been an important experience for me as an artist, and also as a person in general. I'm very grateful I've had the opportunity to share Zac Lowhard with you. And I'll continue creating in the future!

Keep exploring! Keep engaging!

~NJ

As a young person navigating the gender and relationship confines of the modern world, I've latched onto storytelling as a why to process and except my identity. I go to stories to find characters I relate with so they can teach me to feel comfortable in the body I was born with. Below, I'm going to share a few (of the many) characters who have spoken to me as unique examples of self-confidence. Incidentally, all these characters are from Japanese Anime or Manga.

Lio Fotia from Promare...
Is the first on my list and a character who has spoken to hundreds of viewers since Promare's debut in 2019 (Maybe including you.) But what I personally think makes Lio really stand out as a unique character beyond his flashy armor or flame wielding prestige is the sense of confidence in his identity he emits even when standing with the much more masculine men sharing the screen with him. A confidence that leaves viewers who may have like me assumed he was female from the film's poster no longer questioning his identity and chosen gender.

Koushi Sugawara from Haikyu!!...
Suga brings something completely different to the male gender. Laid back and often apologetic, Suga moves through the world with a level of grace and a lot less force then his teammates on Karasuno High-school's boy's Volleyball team. As shown by his nickname Sugamama, Suga is highly valued by his teammates no matter if he looks or acts differently. And even after losing his place in the team's starting lineup he won't stop fighting for a chance to prove himself worthy again. Sometimes it takes a mix of perseverance and patience to make a character great and Suga has ample supply of both, and a confidence to be himself no matter what.

Tamaki Suoh and Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran Highschool Host Club...
These two take gender in a completely different direction. The main two characters in Ouran High school Host Club, a Shojo comedy full of gender commentary, they're both comfortable taking gender roles a little more lightly than your average character from a romantic comedy. Haruhi, the heroin of the series, spends all her time at school cross-dressing as a boy. But instead of limiting her male counterpart's attraction, Haruhi's masculinity adds to her appeal, and gives her the space to act the way she wants which is decidedly un-Disney princessy. I'm still blown away each time I'm reintroduced to the manga that she was created over 12 years ago.

Snowbebe form Cats of the Louvre...
Is on this list for a slightly different reason then the four above. For more then half of the one volume Eisner Award winning manga Snowbebe, the central character of the novel focused on the Louvre, is a small white kitten with long fluffy fur. Like something out of my 10 year old imagination, Cats of the Louvre follows a mismatched family of cats living in the recesses of the huge old museum. And there's something about Snowbebe that's just slightly different from other young male leads. He's freed from the confines placed on must young boys making him almost a male equivalent of Chihiro, the heroin of Miyazaki's Spirited Away. In the future I hope there's more examples of children given the chance to star their stories with the positive gender undertones expressed by Snowbebe From Cats of the Louvre.

     -NJ                                                                   

Matt and Pippen during the Pandemic
March 28, 2020

In Pureland Buddhism (Jodo in Japanese), Amida Buddha, a monk who reached Buddhahood and earned his own pureland through his merit, is seen as a kind, compassionate figure who invites all who chant: “Namu Amida Butsu” (Hail to the Amida Buddha) to live in his Western Paradise after they die. His is often portrayed in a Raigo (“Welcoming approach”) which is an image (painting or sculpture) of him descending to earth to welcome the souls to the Western paradise. At the Ho-o-do (Phoenix Hall), a part of what was once a villa of the Fujiwara clan near Kyoto, Japan, images adorn walls and a door, showing scenes of the Raigo. This building was constructed in the 1000’s during the Heian period (784-1183 CE). The text in the book Art Beyond the West describes the imagery:
 
They include monks and bodhisattvas on clouds, and an orchestra-chorus of music-making and dancing Buddhist beings dramatizing the arrival of the Buddha. Together the many raigos, concentrated in this small, intimate space that was once a home, dramatize the compassion and glory of the Buddha in this popular sect of Buddhism (P. 164, Chapter 5).
 
At the end of the film, The Tale of the Princess Kaguya, however, the almost identical image is interpreted in a vastly different way. While Buddha appears both kind and compassionate, and his many attendants exhibit a beautiful, peaceful air, they are coming to take the title character, Kaguya back to the moon, from which she had previously left after hearing rumors of earth and the emotions living there evoke. Kaguya, who has spent almost a decade on earth (though she ages faster) has come to love it and it’s natural world and people. When she is being taken back to the moon, her adoptive parents, as well as many people she knew and some she didn’t watch her leave and express a grief at her going. She too had become desperate when she realized she would have to return, saying that she did not want to forget the earth and the places and people there, and the emotions they had inspired. This is a stark contrast to the emphasized joy and celebration of Pureland Buddhism and seems to question the idea that there should be a place of greater joy and beauty for us than the earth on which we are born, live our lives, and die. It also seems to suggest that if  the earth is awe-inspiring and worthy of contemplation, as many Japanese practices say it is, then the it should not be abandoned in hope of finding greater understanding and happiness elsewhere.

Princess Kaguya, a young woman adopted by an old bamboo cutter and his wife, grew up in the country among the peasantry until her father deemed it wise to take her to the capitol to be raised as a lady. While being quite uncomfortable and unhappy there, Kaguya managed to flourish and not break down in frustration. During her coming of age ceremony, however, she overhears some drunken men mocking her father for trying to make her into a noblewoman. This is too much and she flees from the mansion and off into the countryside.

The animation here changes distinctly from the previous gentle ink style, becoming wild, desperate, and quick making it almost impossible to distinguish figures from landscape. This sudden switch seems to reference a style of ink painting that was introduced to Japan from China during the Muromachi (Ashiga) period (1392-1573 CE) known as haboku (“broken ink”) painting. This style, based off of the Chinese Song dynasty style of the same time, was rooted in Chan (or Zen in Japan) Buddhism and embraced spiritual inspiration and spontaneity. This is clearly seen in a work such as Haboku Landscape for Soen by Sesshu Toyo, which is an incredibly simple, yet deeply expressive work. The ink tones vary beautifully, creating a vague impression of a small island with huge rock pinnacles behind, almost as if it is being seen through a mist.

According to the book Art Beyond the West: "Painters working in this style believed there were traces of spiritual inspiration to be found in the accidental and spontaneous patterns formed by ink splashed onto the paper in this way. In [the painting], Sesshu uses very loose brushwork, yet by creating sharp tonal contrasts through a variety of washed and strokes, through a few carefully placed marks, he is able to capture the spirit of an entire landscape with its rocks, mists, and deep spaces. Although careful analysis might reveal how each mark contributes to the representation, the picture is not the product of any kind of premeditated calculation of this sort" (P. 171, Chapter 5).
 
This spontaneous and abstract approach to representation fits perfectly (and devastatingly) into the scene in Kaguya, which later turns out to have been a dream. The emotion and desperation, while not the original intent of the painting style, is clearly visible when used in a storytelling context and with the added touch of animation, it reaches another level of movement very literally. While this style does not match the time period Kaguya is set in, it brings in some important stylistic qualities of Japanese paintings and aesthetics.

- Bee

The film The Tale of the Princess Kaguya begins, in the manner of older western movies, and as many studio Ghibli movies do with the credits of filmmakers and cast over a unique background. However, for this film the animators noticed a chance to place the movie in a specific historical context and display the credits over a sheet of woodblock printed paper (See the image on the left). This kind of decorated paper was often used during the Heian period (784-1183 CE) for anthologies of poetry which had been beautifully rendered in calligraphy. This technique, called Chigiri-e involves handmade paper which is torn and aligned on other paper and additionally decorated with flecks of metallic dust or colored pigment. After completion, a calligrapher could write poetry over it, creating a beautiful, almost rustic look. As the textbook Art Beyond the West states: